In search of a good title
Have you thought about how our memories of people are time-stunted (is there such a word?) at what they were when we last saw them? How many times have you had to say - S/he was not like this when s/he was in college ten years back? Or as a response to They are such a happy couple; you retort with oh come on, we know how they used to be when they were seeing each other. We tend to do this all the time about siblings, and relatives and friends that we are not in constant touch with. This one I am sure all of us must have been at the receiving end of - Ohh you have grown so much! I remember you used to be this tall, this would be followed by a vivid narration of some of the things you did back then that you would pray the earth folds in before you hear them being repeated in front of an audience.
We all know people change, we change, we mature (or otherwise) as the days and years catch up; yet we sometimes fail to acknowledge that the same could happen with others we know as well. We expect people to understand that we have changed over the years, but find it difficult to accept the changes in them. We also fail to revise expectations from the other person, at the same time expect them to revise expectations from us. Especially so with siblings, close relatives and friends. No wonder happy reunions are not so happy after all.
I re-read what I have written and the only thought I have - I really did have a point when I started writing this. I swear, I did.
We all know people change, we change, we mature (or otherwise) as the days and years catch up; yet we sometimes fail to acknowledge that the same could happen with others we know as well. We expect people to understand that we have changed over the years, but find it difficult to accept the changes in them. We also fail to revise expectations from the other person, at the same time expect them to revise expectations from us. Especially so with siblings, close relatives and friends. No wonder happy reunions are not so happy after all.
I re-read what I have written and the only thought I have - I really did have a point when I started writing this. I swear, I did.
Comments
Thanks for dropping by my place.
Will be a regular here, so keep them flowing.
I think such recollections are more with a view to emphasise the passage of time since the last meeting rather than a resistance to acknowledge change in another. I suppose the resistance would naturally come in if the said change has been for the worse!
Of course, its all fine and dandy to think of how we were back then, but swallow the details is what I say!
Whenever anyone I meet anyone after a gap of more than 2 years, I get the "My God! How BIG you've become," comment - drives me nuts! Then you have wise Alecks who vividly recall all the mischief I've been trying all my life to put behind me - I think happy thoughts of knocking some teeth out resulting in a grin which the narrator mistakenly thinks is because I'm enjoying the convo...think again,if it weren't for the police, they'd be in hospital!
What will be more annoying people telling you:
1) You have changed so much
2) Or you haven't changed at all?
I can so imagine you gritting your teeth while putting on a smile when listening to someone drone on about your mischiefs.
and yep, agree with you on 'swallow the details part.
@ Dhanno
You have changed so much - is actually - you are looking older. Given that I am growing old, i have decided to age gracefully ;)
So I can live with you have changed so much (i take it as i hae learnt, have matured)
You haven't changed at all - sadly nobody has said that to me
u know whats worse - ppl coming n telling me,
"seems like u have lost weight".. when i know that i have put on..
and then dhanno explains the 'why' behind it -
"arey, ppl expect u to hv put on a lot more than u actually do.. so, its a expectation mis-match coz of which they say u hv lost weight" :D
anyways.. time moves on.. c'est la vie :)