Micro-feminism

On the recommendation of a friend, I watched Laapata Ladies. I had a five hour flight to take, and I downloaded the movie last minute, and had had very little prior context of the story line, or even the genre. I watched about half the movie on the flight, and just concluded the full movie about two days later. 

The movie is very nicely done - powerful ideas presented simply and without drama, with a certain yathartham (Side quest - Didn't know the direct English equivalent of the Tamil word, used google translate. Apparently it is the same word in Hindi as well (who knew!) and roughly translates to realism. Realism doesn't completely capture the essence, maybe realism with elegance is better). Directed by Kiran Rao, characters played by not so mainstream but highly talented actors, taut story line, and a dose of everyday humor, the movie is a treat to watch and leaves you thinking.

As I watched the movie, the character Manju Maai reminded me of Geetha didi. She worked at my house as a nanny, and then as a full-time cook-maid-housekeeper, kept my house running. She worked with our family from 2011, when my younger son was barely a few weeks old, till about early 2018, when she passed away from some form of abdominal cancer. There were elements to her story that screamed feminism even though I did not recognize them at the time, the fact that she stood for those in the context of her situation is admirable. 

Geetha didi told us she was 45 years old when she first came to work for us, I heard her say years later that she was 45, so make of it what you will. Before my son Aniruddh, she had helped raise over twenty children as a nanny. She was not literate, but she had a phone as well as a notebook where she had phone numbers written down. When she came to work for us, she worked part time, and would go back to her house. There was a small room that she maintained, and she had standards. She had a bed, and she had access to a shared, but private, bathroom. No community bathrooms, no thank you. She claimed she'd had the house for over ten years before she came to work for us. She came to work for us full-time at one point, and out of town too, but she continued to keep her room. She said she needed a place for herself, even if it means 'unnecessary' expense. 

She was married to a man who was already married at the time he married Geetha didi, and she was duped into the marriage. She found out about his other family only a short while after. She had two children from the marriage, an elder daughter and a younger son. Every year she would go back to her hometown, in Calcutta on the banks of the river Ganga, and be with her husband and meet with her son and daughter. 

She would make an effort to dress sharp, even if she was living and working in my house. She work practical clothes at home, but would dress fancy in her starched cotton sari when she went out. She would always take her weekly off, go back to her place, party with her friends, and return recharged. She was flexible about the plan depending on my schedule, but would always make time for herself. 

She practically ran my house, and a tight ship at that. Especially with inventory management. Maintaining the delicate balance between stock-outs and wastage. She was very good with her personal finances as well. I have seen her make smart money decisions. She did borrow money from me, sometimes to pay off money she had borrowed from the 'market' at exorbitant rates. She always borrowed only if she absolutely needed to, she would commit to repaying at an aggressive pace, and she always stuck to her commitments. She would never borrow more until she had fully paid off the previous loan. She got to a point where was saving money substantially from her salary. She would gift large sums of money to her daughter, and to her granddaughter. For the granddaughter's education. She refused to accede to her son's incessant demands for money. 

I came across this term micro-feminism. Small acts in defiance of the norm, in the direction of equity between the sexes, and against patriarchy. There are several that I do, some much to the annoyance of people around me. Some of those were hard ones to get away with, especially when I was younger and conditioned to behave in a certain manner. Some forms of micro-feminism are unfamiliar until shown the way. 

Geetha didi made up her rules. She refused to succumb to societal norms. She stood up for herself. Fought the patriarchy in her own way. More power to the Manju maais and the Geetha didis all around!