A Tribute to the Warrior
The last few weeks have been an eventful time for me. It started with me needing to go off work for a few weeks to address a chronic pain issue, and have been doing a number of things in that regard. I could fill up a post about the events leading up to it. I could fill up another post about the numerous things I did to heal. But today's post is about a constant force that I felt traveled with me through the journey. I call her the warrior energy.
I first felt that energy when I did my first ever solo trip to Western Mass. As I looked for activities to do, I stumbled upon a yoga and meditation retreat in the vicinity. They were offering an Archery in Meditation class the following day. I was immediately drawn to it, and I signed up for it. It was a 2-hour session, designed for newbies like me, a lot of talking, a little bit of archery.
It was a resonant moment when our instructor reminded us that each and every one of us has an ancestor that once held bows. Knowing that most tools were invented by women, I felt an instant connection to my entire matrilineage. Our instructor taught us to maintain a warrior stance, to draw energy from the other as we did an inhalation to draw the arrow, then to hold the breath as we steadied the aim and then to release it, and in doing so, to release everything that did not serve us. As I stood there, bow in hand and in the presence of my mother, grandmother and many many mothers before that, there was one word to describe the whole experience - powerful.
Since then, I felt myself returning to the warrior energy every so often. I read up about warrior goddesses in various cultures, and was fascinated by the legend of Artemis. The Navaratri festival reminded me of Maa Kali and her warrior energy. There were a few pieces of art I found online that I really liked, that reinforced that energy.
I read "Vital Spark - Reclaim your outlaw energies and find your feminine fire" by Lisa Marchiano, a writer whose podcast on Jungian analysis I have been following for a while. It is a very fun book, drawing upon familiar fairy tales to bring home her central point. Definitely recommend to all, but especially to women. A lot of what she wrote about spoke of warrior energy to me.
Sometimes I felt the warrior in the wartime energy - going out there to fight for me, embodying a rage and drive for action and seeking a very definite outcome. Other times, I felt the peacetime energy. The gentle gaze, the protective guard, the defender of everything that I have worked hard to built.
In a somatic experience session with my therapist last week, I felt a distinctly palpable energy in my body. It was one of urgency, one of excitement, and definitely one that demanded action. As I paused to ask that part of me what she wanted, her answer was resounding. She represented the warriors within me, and they wanted to be acknowledged. To be celebrated. With song and dance. These parts have gone to war for me - finding the right village of people to help me, having been open and receptive to the infinite wisdom the Universe offers us, and to have actually done all that is asked, in pursuit of the healing. So celebrate I did. With song and dance. She still needs to be sung, and this is an attempt in doing so. I hope she is happy.
Yesterday, I was redecorating my home office. To fill it up with objects that bring me joy. I changed the lighting, moved stuff around to accommodate new wants, and all such good stuff. I had a painting on the wall - it was a graffiti style painting of a charging elephant. I loved that painting, have had it for about two years now, and I enjoyed being in that fighting energy. However, that painting no longer resonates with me. It feels like the warrior elephant wants a break. Or that the warrior in me now knows that I know of her presence, and that I can draw upon her for strength. That she doesn't need to hover around as a helicopter parent.
I don't know that I won't need her anymore. Perhaps I will. Perhaps I won't. Maybe I will learn to live with ease. Knowing that what is meant for me will be effortless. This is an interim acknowledgement of her role, and immense gratitude for her valiant effort. I could not have gotten here were it not for her unwavering loyalty.
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