How to make a habit of anything - Part 2 - Anticipate the hard

 

Anyone who has been through any change will agree to the messiness of the process. Going into the process with eyes wide open is important for a successful outcome.

The hard part of the change comes in many shapes and forms. The first is the newness and unfamiliarity of the change. Our brains are inherently wired for efficiency. It assumes that what you know is set in stone, and builds on it. When you are asking for the brain to do something different, the brain protests and wants to return to the familiar, the tried and tested, because it knows what to do. The heuristic is already in place, and it doesn't need to do anything new. The draw of the familiar is a dangerous one. It is the one that reaches for the cigarette, or the comfort chocolate.  It is the one that demands the extra shot of alcohol. It is the one that tells you to drunk-text the ex. 

The second is - you are giving up the comfort of the familiar in favor of a change, something you think you want. A shift from what you know (and are comfortable with) to what you don't know (things may turn out differently from what you thought). That brings with it the voice of doubt. It is one that resists the change, asks the question of why (that's why you need a solid why, to quell this voice), repeatedly, until you give in and say "ok fiine we will do what we always used to do". 

The third reason why change is hard is that you are not (yet) equipped with the skills to navigate the new environment. The change requires a different approach, one you haven't completely nailed. I will argue, in a subsequent post, why your goals should focus on skill building and not on the outcome. If you've learnt to cycle or swim, you will remember that it required you to learn skills. And you will suck at it. Until you get better. And this process is hard. 

The fourth, and arguably the most important, reason is that you are attempting the change in an environment of judgment. You believe that others are watching you and want you to fail. They are critical of your intent, your action, the deviation from what is assumed to be the normal. It is hard to fight all of that. More importantly, you are fighting the world's worst critic, yourself. At the first setback, you will remember all the times in your life you have failed. Why what you are attempting to do is not something you can pull off. You are sitting by the sidelines watching you try and willing you to fail. That voice in your head, the one drawing you to self-sabotage, that is the voice that needs silencing. 

I have laid out all the reasons why change is hard. I will now urge you to anticipate the hard. Know that the path to getting there is fraught with uncertainty. You do not know what you do not know. Be prepared to suck at it. Be prepared to stay the course, even when it gets rough, especially when it gets rough. 

Enjoy the process of discovering what you do not know. Acknowledge it when it happens. Then you know what you don't know, it is easy to find a solution. When you approach it with that mindset, you are likely to look at the situation as a puzzle that needs solving than as an obstacle that has been put in place to obstruct your progress.

The change process will then start feeling like a video game where you progress through levels, each one more challenging than the previous. Your experience from the previous level will hold you in good stead, and being stuck at a level while you work it through won't seem as frustrating.

Part 3 - Articulate the why