Problem Solving and Conflict avoidance

 

Couldn't have said it better myself!

The reptile brain in us instinctively decides without deep thinking. This part of the brain, the amygdala, is responsible for the famous 'fight or flight' response. It is that part of the brain that has to rely on cues from the environment and quickly decide a course of action. It is the part of the brain that held our ancestors in good stead in the savannah several thousand years ago. 

So when faced with a problem, the instinctual response is to flee the scene or fight the problem. Fighting the problem is a little different from 'solving' the problem; fighting the problem usually takes the form of shooting the messenger, or being upset with the bearer of the news. Fleeing the scene is an equally thoughtless option. I call it the - ignore the problem long enough in the hope that it goes away.

Now, the real solution to the problem emerges when we are able to look beyond the instinctual response and get to the "thoughtful" part of the brain.  It requires us to actively suppress or ignore the reptile brain. That in itself, is a hard step to cross, especially when it is a new problem that we face. When you solve a problem similar to one that you have solved before, the brain has a foundation to build on. It takes what it already knows about the problem solving process and decides what needs to be tweaked. This is one of the fundamental reasons why problems in exams are easier if we have solved the same (or similar) problems earlier, and also why the education system focuses on creating problems in the hypothetical space, so that when we face the situation in real life, we have something to go by. 

This brain's need for efficiency is also the reason why learning a new skill is difficult. And why solving an entirely new problem stumps us. It is also the reason why people who are able to do that are sought after. 

Now, problem solving, outside the world of mathematics in an exam hall, usually involves conflict. As George Bernard Shaw famously said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” Most problems arise because something is off about the way things are, because the status quo is not a happy place. This, problem solving by definition involves conflict.

Now conflict avoidance is a default situation. Again, the brain's need for efficiency. Leave things the way they are. Why Stockholm Syndrome works. Why people stay in toxic relationships. Why people in organizations resist change. The default wiring towards conflict avoidance is true across the board, more pronounced for some people depending on their personality and past experience with conflict. 

In order to work towards problem solving, one has to work past conflict avoidance. Unpleasant as it is. Triggering as it may be. Painful as it can be. 

Through all the dissertation above, my appeal to you is this. Bring awareness to the fact that the first response to a new problem is fight or flight. With that awareness, fight that urge. Next, commit to solving the problem. Work through scenarios. Ask for help. It is possible that while the problem is new to you (and therefore stumps you), it may be a solved problem for someone else. And if the best course of action, objectively, does involve conflict, acknowledge it. And remind yourself why that conflict is necessary, and why status quo is not good enough. Find the strength to face the conflict. When you do, you will realize that it was bigger in your head than it really is. It is not as bad as it seems. And voila, you have succeeded!