Reflections in Personal Growth

We talk about and reminisce the fun stuff. The happy times in relationship.  With a friend. With a lover. With a manager. Conversation that just flows.  Music that instantly resonates. When you feel like you belong. When you feel loved. What feels easy. Effortless.  We don't speak enough about the hard stuff. Getting out there looking for a job.  A dream job. Or a job for sustenance. Getting rejected at an interview. Being passed up for promotion. Being fired from or laid off at work. Feeling betrayed by your manager.  We don't speak enough about the hard stuff. Taking your ideas into the world. Finding out they suck. Asking for money. From an investor. A friend. Admitting you screwed up. Not being able to return the money. We don't speak enough about the hard stuff. Opening up your heart. Having it crushed into a million pieces. Having to let down love you cannot quite requite. Having to let go of a relationship that isn't working for you. A breakup. A break...

 This blog used to be titled "Musings of a self-confessed geek", and the URL "mostlygibberish.blogspot.com". I had started this blog circa 2008, and the blog identity I had created for my writing reflected my self-perception at the time. As I resurfaced this blog last year, I had been feeling that I didn't like the name. It would irk me every time I looked at the title of the blog, or when I would share the URL with you all. I felt that it didn't fully reflect who I am.  Who I am is an elusive concept I am still grappling with, but I know  that I don't write gibberish, and I certainly do not identify with the geek description, much less the self-confessed part of it. Whenever the annoyance increased, I would ask the question - if not this then what?, and I said this would stay until I organically came up with a better one.  Having been raised in a culture that appreciates humility, especially in a woman, it had become a practiced art to show up as less t...

Over the last several months, I am feeling a pull towards mindful deeper conversations, and a pull away from surface level interactions that we often fill our life with. The vulnerability as well as the kindness in those interactions have allowed me to be vulnerable and open minded. I have learnt to lean inwards towards self reflection. I am learning to feel all the emotions I go through, to sit with them and truly ask what they are telling me, and to be open to the answers, however unpalatable they may be.  A lot of these behaviors are not surprising, given my MBTI type. I am an ENFP - Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Perceiving. I do derive energy from interaction with people, focus on concepts and ideas, I lead with the heart and don't play by the rules. As things tend to be, each of these dimensions are on a sliding scale. I tend to be a borderline Extravert (is energized by people, but also enjoy quiet time), fairly strong on the iNtuitive dimension (look to the future and ...