Imperfection
Over the last several months, I am feeling a pull towards mindful deeper conversations, and a pull away from surface level interactions that we often fill our life with. The vulnerability as well as the kindness in those interactions have allowed me to be vulnerable and open minded. I have learnt to lean inwards towards self reflection. I am learning to feel all the emotions I go through, to sit with them and truly ask what they are telling me, and to be open to the answers, however unpalatable they may be.
A lot of these behaviors are not surprising, given my MBTI type. I am an ENFP - Extraverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Perceiving. I do derive energy from interaction with people, focus on concepts and ideas, I lead with the heart and don't play by the rules. As things tend to be, each of these dimensions are on a sliding scale. I tend to be a borderline Extravert (is energized by people, but also enjoy quiet time), fairly strong on the iNtuitive dimension (look to the future and rarely focus on the past), lean towards the Feeling (heart first than the head but developed a muscle for rational decision making through training), and very high on the Perceiving scale (feel very caged by rules and the idea of 'supposed to').
I feel like I am now coming into my own and leaning into who I truly am, and some of the changes I alluded to in the first paragraphs are demonstrations of the same. In the process though, I encounter everyday challenges that I get deliberate about resolving. Example. In my fitness journey I have needed to find time to do more - more exercise, more movement, better nutrition, more rest. How do you fit more on top of an already packed schedule? Getting deliberate about that conundrum, and talking it through with trusted friends helps. I got to the point where if I need to do more of something, I need to do less of other things. Everything fell into place after. What can I let go of, to be able to accommodate this more important thing - becomes the lens to evaluate activities.
That brings me to the topic of conversation today - imperfection. When you focus your attention on something. you are trading focus on others. It could be by intent, or it could be by neglect. In either case, the result of that other thing will tend to be imperfect. For as long as I remember, I have rejected the notion of perfection and embraced imperfection. Adages like - done is better than perfect, let not great be the enemy of good - are operating principles I live by. By and large, this approach has held me in good stead.
Given my personality type, it is (relatively) easy to live with the notion of imperfection. If I find myself lacking on some dimension, the default approach for the rebel in me is to question the standard. Or to say - hey I am better at this other thing, and something's gotta give. If you are detecting some defensiveness in the argument above, it is because there is. It is still stemming from I ought to be perfect (however I think is the gold standard for perfect), and that any inadequacy needs to be explained away.
I was recommended Dr. Brene Brown by a good friend. I wound up reading two books of hers at the same time. I was reading one, Daring Greatly, and listening to the other, Gifts of Imperfection. Daring Greatly was the book I started to read, albeit with some skepticism. I was critical of her writing style, given the previous book I had read was by Dr. Lori Gottlieb who wrote for TV shows, for a living. I also found myself being wearied by a list of twelve (really! that many?) gifts of imperfection that she had referenced in Daring Greatly. However, the content captivated me and that's how I wound up not only reading two books of hers at the same time, but also bought the hardcover edition of Gifts of Imperfection, because it is one to keep, and to make personalized notes in.
There are multiple concepts that Dr Brown brings to life, that I have been deeply affected by, simply because they are what intuitively make sense to me, but articulated in a well-researched, cogent manner. To me, a lot of what she says are the join-the-dots connective tissue between dots some of which I already know and live by, and others that make sense and those I will have resistance to imbibe. As I read her work, there are several a-ha! moments and clicking of pieces into place. In addition to imperfection, there are two other concepts that moved me, and I hope to write about them as well.
Her book, Gifts of Imperfection, stems from her research on Wholeheartedness. In her world view, the work is divided into two kinds of people - those who feel a deep sense of love and belonging, and those that struggle with it. She calls the former group Wholehearted and the gifts of imperfection are guide posts that she has observed that the wholehearted work to cultivate and what they work to get rid of. There are twelve such guide posts. Go ahead, look it up. If this is intriguing to you, let me know - I will happily buy you the book. One guidepost that deeply resonated with me was - cultivating intuition and trusting faith: letting go of need for certainty. It was timely, as I have been feeling stuck in not able to decide which way to go. Her chapter taught me to look inward and trust my intuition on what the situation is telling me.
In this New Year 2024
May you get lots of rest before you need it
May you find beauty in the ordinary
May you discover (and rediscover) play
May you find it in you to create - write, draw, paint, sing, dance, craft.
Extra wishes to be vulnerable enough to share your creativity with the world
May you find, and deepen, true connection
May you be kind towards yourself
May you find the strength to walk away from anything that's draining
Here's wishing you peace!
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